i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
