Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
