Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize