Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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