I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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