you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
