She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
