i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
