omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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