I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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