I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
