i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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