I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
