super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
