i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
