She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
