just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
