Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
