Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
