why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just googled if crying burns calories
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
