i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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