I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
