Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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