i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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