Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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