I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I need moral support for this bender
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
