I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
