There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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