You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
