1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
