True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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