shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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