hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
