good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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