i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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