I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
