it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
