About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
