i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
