Can i not drive my cunt home
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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