you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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