I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
this hospital has no fireball
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
