Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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