fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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