Kiss
Puke
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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