I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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