pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
