Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
