I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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