the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize