I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
