The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I cut my penus on the lid.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Randomize
