You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize