They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
