just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
