My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
