Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
