I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
