She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
