She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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