i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
