so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize