Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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