I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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