We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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