conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
