i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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