I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
