Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
so much tequila, so little girl.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
